Embarking on a journey of recovery, I’ve learned that life is about perspective. When I was deep-seeded in my addictions and depression, I was always the victim. Everything in my life was always about me- and the world was against me.
- I was single- and I was lonely
- I wasn’t wealthy- and everyone was always celebrating something that required a gift
- I had no family in Dallas- and holidays lost their appeal
- My work was stressful- and it was one unnecessary challenge after another
Why was I always the victim, why was the world against me, and why did I feel powerless? How was a seemingly strong, corporate business woman able to hold her life together in the office, and spiral outside of work? I started to pay attention to my mind, self-reflected and meditated for the first time. I realized I had little control over my life, because I had given the power of my mind away. I wanted the power back.
I started holding myself accountable for my thoughts and my actions, and was amazed at just how often I was conditioned to naturally think or react to a situation negatively. Until I started to remove negativity did I realize just how much weight I carried around with me. The more I was aware of the shackles the heavier they felt, and the more determined I was to be free.
I aimed to block negativity before it started, and I had to be cognizant when it was happening. I kept trigger words in my pocket for when I started to go to a dark place in my mind and get myself back on track. When I felt myself getting angry, feeling like a victim, or judging others- I’d say a trigger word over-and-over until I pulled myself out of that mindset and flipped the situation around. It was work, and I had to be in a constant state of awareness of where my thoughts wandered. For years, I had allowed my thoughts to run rampant, and there I was- unraveling years of programming.
Reframing the way I viewed the world, myself, my situation took a solid 6 months for me to really start to see progress. Yes, I saw some immediate impacts, but the conditioning took time to naturally think positively. One morning, while I reflected on my way into work I realized for the first time- I genuinely felt happy! I looked at my life and I actually didn’t see anything different in my circumstance, it was in my mind all along!
- I was single- and I was happy to have the space to figure out who I was and I loved owning my schedule
- I wasn’t wealthy- but I was blessed to be given friends and family to celebrate
- I had no family in Dallas- but I had family- which many do not
- My work was stressful- but I was grateful to be able to pay my bills and go into an office where I was proficient with my role
My situations were the same, but the way I viewed them were different. I had become grateful and blessed, and left behind the angry victim I had become- with literally zero change to my life circumstances!
It’s perspective- you choose what you see.